The Fourth Trimester

Everyone knows there are three trimesters in pregnancy (you can read about my first, second, and third here), but I hadn’t heard of the fourth trimester until Mr. Heid and I had started thinking about pregnancy. The fourth trimester is defined as the period of time between baby’s birth and their first three months of life. And let me tell ya — it’s a doozy.

Let me break it down (keep in mind that all of this is happening at once) —

POSTPARTUM BODY

• I experienced ankle and foot swelling from all of the IV fluids and it felt like they were huge forever. At times, I was truly worried they were going to pop. I tried keeping them elevated (even when I “slept” (ha. haha. ha. ha.)), cold compresses, massage, and compression socks. There would be a day here and there that I remember thinking, “Oh, hey. They look slightly smaller today,” and then they’d balloon back up before the evening hit. I’m not sure when, but I do remember waking up one day and realizing that my feet had finally returned to normal size, but for about another week after that, I still experienced foot aches.

• I had a second-degree tear, which is really not all that bad. That area was definitely tender for the first two weeks, and the restroom process was far from glamorous. I used a peri-bottle to squirt warm water in the area, dabbed it dry, and sprayed Dermoplast down there. Then I had to prep my underwear — lay down a massive maxi pad, crack an ice pack, add a little water to it to make it colder, and lay that down, lay down some Tuck’s pads, and spray that with Dermoplast. Pull them up and move on. Thankfully, I was able to stop the ice packs after one week and the rest by two weeks. However, I had one stitch that didn’t want to absorb as quickly as the others and stayed just under the skin, so the Dermoplast continued until around 7 weeks postpartum.

• Postpartum, I also experienced lingering pain where my ports were (my hand for the IV and my back for the epidural). Neither lasted long, though I believe I may be allergic to medical tape because there’s still a strip of discoloration on my back where the tape was.

• My stretch marks itched like crazy! I didn’t get stretch marks until my last few weeks of pregnancy, so I’m assuming their freshness and having to shrink back down so quickly is what made them so itchy.

• I had experienced belly button pain in my last few weeks of pregnancy as well. My doctor said it’s because it’s the thinnest area of skin affected by a growing belly. Thankfully it was normal; unfortunately, it continued as my uterus shrank.

• And finally, there are the rock-hard boobs with cracked bleeding nipples. Baby J’s cluster feed in the hospital led to the sore, cracked nipples. Her struggle to latch after my milk came in made them worse. Don’t worry! My breastfeeding journey has dramatically improved!

postpartum Swollen feet

POSTPARTUM EMOTIONS

• EXHAUSTION | It was already pretty rough in the hospital even with a dream team of nurses. People were in and out asking questions, checking my body, and checking the baby’s vitals. The baby needs to eat every two hours, and my baby cluster fed the second night. Somehow, we were supposed to sleep? By the time Friday rolled around, there were still more forms to be completed, and I am pretty sure I literally fell asleep with my finger on the iPad trying to complete the blanks. I know for a fact that I typed an email address incorrectly. When we got home, Baby J only wanted to sleep in our arms, so we took turns staying awake to hold her. The next morning, the pediatrician told us that it wasn’t safe to hold a sleeping baby while exhausted (my non-exhausted brain would have known that). So that night we tried to put her down, but that only led to non-stop screaming. I have never cried a more guttural cry in. my. life. I felt so useless and hopeless. Thankfully, my parents were there to help us and they held her all night while we slept, waking every two hours to feed her. There aren’t words to express this level of exhaustion.

• LOVE | The amount of love I felt (and continue to feel) for our daughter is astronomically boundless. I cannot even begin to explain it. It’s enough to bring you to tears on more than one occasion, especially with raging hormones. It’s so crazy to see others love her unconditionally as well — this tiny human who has been in our lives for such a short amount of time, yet has made such a huge impact.

• FEAR | This world is far from perfect. While there is so much to look forward to in her future and more than likely she has a great one ahead of her, it’s hard to not let fear seep in. What if she’s bullied? What if someone breaks her heart? What if we scar her? What if she falls in with the wrong crowd? What if she gets hurt? I’m not going to type them all here because I may very well have a panic attack, but you get the idea. What if life isn’t great for this little one who deserves only the best?

• JOY | Because look at that face! Look at this new life! I have so many visions and dreams of our future together and it looks so bright from here!

• EXCITEMENT | It’s so crazy to realize that every single thing is new to her. Every sound, sight, scent, taste, and touch. All of it. How exciting is that?! She has the whole world laid out before her to walk through and experience. That excitement far outweighs the fears.

• APPRECIATION | One of my mama friends called Mr. Heid to check on me (on all of us really), and I yelled from the bathroom to tell her that she’s a superhero. I have gained a new level of understanding for anyone carrying the title of mama. It’s a rollercoaster and it requires superpowers to take it on.

• SADNESS | Our five-year-old pup was having issues when we brought our baby girl home. We finally received a call that the diagnosis was a brain tumor that had bled and couldn’t be treated. We had to make the tough decision to either continue giving her meds to lead a not-so-great life or to let her go. We chose to let her go, and it was the hardest decision we’ve ever had to make. Her life was cut short and it was a sad reminder that life doesn’t always stop to let you catch up. She taught us so much patience. She taught us to love unconditionally. She taught us to be our own biggest medical advocates. She taught us to never take anything for granted and to live in the moment. She will be missed, and it’s so sad that she won’t be a part of Baby J’s life.

• GUILT | Because I didn’t have all of the solutions and knowledge immediately to make life easy peasy for my baby. Guilt because my baby struggled to latch and I couldn’t help her. Guilt because the LC said she’d be able to latch better in a few weeks and I wished we could jump forward to them, and more guilt because it seemed as though I was wishing moments of her life away and I didn’t mean that. It’s so easy to say that no one is perfect and that being a parent is another thing that you have to learn. Some things come naturally, while others take time. But that’s my level-head talking. I also have a whole other side that sometimes rears its ugly head — a side where I feel guilty for so many reasons, when really, I’m doing just fine and it’s okay to feel frustrated when things aren’t how you want them to be.

• GRATITUDE | For every person who reached out to see how we were doing. We are so blessed to have a great group of family, friends, and coworkers who love us. Knowing that we weren’t alone and that everyone was thinking of us made the rough days more tolerable. Thankful for the parents who’d been through it who didn't shy away from admitting how hard parenting can be. Thankful for our family who helped us through those first few weeks, from holding Baby J and letting us sleep, to answering all of my breastfeeding questions, to thoughtful gifts and snacks to help us through! Thankful for my husband who told me he was proud of me, that I’m beautiful, that I’m doing a great job, that he loves me, and that there’s no one else he’d rather do life with. Thankful for the lacation consultants who helped me on my breastfeeding journey. Thankful for the pediatrician who sincerely told me that I was a great mom and who taught me a swaddle method that I could finally do.

So many people are quick to tell you that you’ll miss all of this. Funnily enough, my cousin is the first person to ever say that she didn’t, and you might not, and that’s okay. So I’m here to tell you the same. You might not miss any of those unglamorous moments, sleepless nights, or crying sessions, and that’s okay. I think what they mean to say, is that you’ll miss the tininess and newness of your babe, the inexplicable wonder that it is to be a first-time mama, and the experience of feeling astronomically boundless love for the first time for someone that you’ve only just met. All of that is beautiful and you’ll miss it, and you’ll cling to it, and your babe’s growth will be a touch bittersweet because of it, and that’s okay. As Baby J continues to grow, I still experience that wonder and boundless love. I still gawk at her tininess even in her growth. I swell with pride at our journey so far and continue to be so excited for her future.

The fourth trimester is such a crazy ride and there are definitely parts of the experience that you desperately wish would pass but it seems like you’ll be in the struggle forever. But one day… your shoes fit, or you’ve realized you wiped after peeing, or you’ve ditched the maxi pads, or pumping is second nature, or you and your babe slept through the night, and you realize how much you’ve grown.

You’re doing alright, mama! Hang in there.

Cheers,

K

Breastfeeding & Pumping | My Journey and Essentials

Ya’ll. Pumping and breastfeeding are no joke. In those first two weeks of Baby J’s life, I feel like I was just a feeding pumping machine. I have nothing against breastfeeding, but pumping… not my jam. If you’re here just to see what products made my breastfeeding/pumping journey easier, skip on down. If not, buckle up for the brief version of my journey.

In the hospital, Baby J had no issues latching. Four days after her birth, my milk came in full. The morning of day five, I was engorged and my breasts were rock. hard. My baby girl could no longer latch with her tiny mouth and my unmalleable areolas. I panicked, I cried, Baby J screamed, and I called the after-hours nurse who called me back to say, “You have to feed the baby.” AS IF I WAS PLANNING TO STARVE HER. “Yes, but how?!” I asked through stuttered inhalations. She told me to pump and feed her with a syringe (which I had received from the lactation consultant just in case).

I cried even more. I wasn’t expecting to use my pump until I had returned to work and I was panicked at having to do it on the fly with a screaming babe. Thankfully, my family was there to help me through. I gave my pump to my husband who has more patience with reading directions than I do. He learned how it all worked and how to put it together, my mother-in-law cleaned the parts, my mom sanitized them while trying to console me, and my dad rocked the baby. After finally getting milk out, failing at the syringe, finally finding a small nipple among our bottle options, and Googling how to keep a newborn from choking on milk from a bottle, Baby J was fed.

Then I headed down the painstaking journey of attempting to offer my baby the breast (with a nipple shield), giving her a bottle when she inevitably couldn’t latch or couldn’t stay awake long enough for the letdown, and then pumping in place of her feeding. Every. two. hours. I was a slave to the pump. I told friends that I liken it to sleeping with your ex — giving your body to something and feeling queasy about it afterward. Hey, just being honest. The only thing that kept me going was that sweet, sweet face and knowing that I was doing it for her.

Flash forward a month and a half — Baby J was taking the breast much more often with the assistance of a nipple shield but was growing frustrated when it kept folding into her face. I called an LC who said to try quitting the nipple shield cold turkey, and it worked. Sweet, sweet relief! My baby, just as they said she would, was finally big enough to latch and alert enough to work for the letdown. HALLELUJAH! I was no longer a slave to my breast pump. Flash forward another month and a half when I had to go back to the office. I would pump twice at work and once during the middle of the night when she sleeps through the night and doesn’t wake to feed. Baby J is around five months now, and I’ve stopped pumping in the middle of the night. I just use my Haakaa in the morning to catch that extra milk.

I hope your breastfeeding journey is smoother than mine, but if it’s not, just know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Here’s what got me (and continues to get me) through my journey:

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

I needed SO much emotional support during my journey, especially in the beginning and sometimes still today (a little over three months in). My cousin, my sister-in-law, the Facebook breastfeeding group, my mama friends, my parents, my husband, my pediatrician, the LCs at my local breastfeeding center… the list goes on. Find people who can support you in this journey and don’t be afraid to reach out to them. To all of you who helped me through this THANK YOU x infinity!

I hope that I can offer someone else the same support someday because it’s important to know you’re not alone, everything you’re experiencing is likely normal, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

PUMPS

• My main pump is the Medela Pump In Style with Max Flow. It’s a closed system, which makes it so much easier to clean than some other pumps. With all of my pumping, I quickly became an overproducer, so I didn’t have any issues pumping. But even after Baby J moved back to the breast, I still felt like this pump did a pretty great job of expressing my milk. Do yourself a favor and go ahead and purchase extra bottles, an extra set of Flex Connectors, and a rechargeable battery pack — game changer.

• I also have the Medela Harmony hand pump for when Baby J only eats from one breast and I just need a quick pump on the go for the other side. Pumping that thing is sometimes the only workout I can swing in a day, so there’s a tiny win.

• And, because I’m all about convenience, I recently purchased the iAPOY Hands-Free Electric Breast Pumps. They were a budget-friendly recommendation from Healthline and are easy to pop into my nursing bra or nursing tank. But heed the reviews and take care to make sure the lip doesn’t catch when you pull it out. I spilled milk allll over myself just the other day.

BRAS, TANKS & HANDS-FREE PUMPING ACCESSORIES

After my milk came in, I went from an easy-to-shop-for bra size to a where-the-hell-do-I-buy-bras size. That being said, I definitely recommend getting some nursing tanks before the baby is born, but highly recommend waiting to get your nursing bras until after your milk comes in and you know what size your boobs will actually be. These all came in clutch for me:

• BRAVADO Buttercup Nursing Bra — I got one of these in black and one in nude and they fit the best. No underwire to press on your ducts, but enough support that my boobs aren’t sagging to my waist. Sadly, I think they’re discontinuing this particular bra, so I’ll have to try one of their others with my next pregnancy.

• The Cake Maternity Cotton Candy Wirefree Nursing Bra is great for sleeping/lounging (it’s so comfy) when you still need some support (though, it doesn’t offer a ton).

• The Morrow + Mint Lace Clip & Pump Nursing Bra is GOLD for pumping at work with the Medela pump. No need to add an insert or change your bra. It comes in larger sizes for us bustier gals and has great support! It’s not great with the iAPOY, though.

• I made the mistake of not purchasing a single nursing or pumping item until after my baby girl was born — you know when there’s zero time to research anything and you haven’t had enough sleep to comprehend what you’re looking at anyway. Thankfully, my sister-in-law had the Touch Loom Nursing Tanks sent to my house and they’re fantastic. They’re comfortable and are structured enough to provide support, so I can wear them out under a cardigan without feeling sloppy or needing to put on another bra.

• The DAISITY Nursing Tanks have been great for lounging around the house (they offer no cups or support, so I wasn’t comfortable wearing them out and about). I spent the first two weeks on my couch in either one of these tank tops or half-naked. Everything feels like an obstacle when you’ve had no sleep and you have to go through the cycle I did (see above) every two hours.

• For hands-free pumping at home, the Medela Easy Expression Hands-Free Pumping Bra was super easy to use because I was already half-naked in a robe. However, for work, the BRAVADO Women’s Hands-Free Clip and Pump Strapless Pumping Accessory has been more convenient because you can use it with any nursing bra or nursing tank without having to strip down. Again, both of these are better with the Medela pump and not great for the iAPOY since it’s a wearable pump.

BOTTLES

We tried the Dr. Brown’s, the Tommee Tippee, and the Boon Nursh bottles, but Baby J only seemed to do well with the Philips Avent Natural Baby Bottle. Thankfully, we were gifted two sets that already came with the 0m+ nipples! We still had to practice the paced bottle feeding method in the beginning with these though. In my research, I saw that Philips makes a first flow nipple that would supposedly be slower, but I also read that there isn’t actually much difference.

NIPPLE CARE

All you need is coconut oil. Like, from the grocery store. I tried the Medela and Lansinoh nipple creams and the Earth Mama nipple butter (which was the best of them all), but coconut oil is what healed my cracked and bleeding nipples when Baby J and I were on the latch struggle bus. Baby girl’s pediatrician actually recommended it because it absorbs quicker, heals faster, and doesn’t have to be removed before breastfeeding. Once my nipples were all healed up, I never had to use anything again (well, so far).

ENGORGEMENT RELIEF

For engorged breasts, it’s recommended that you use heat and massage prior to feeding/pumping, use a massager during feeding or pumping, and then ice after. It was recommended to me to lie on my back and massage the breast back toward the armpit to help clear clogged ducts.

• For heat, I used Core Products Hot & Cold Packs (because we already had them for muscle relief). A few minutes in the microwave and they were quite toasty.

• For massage, I just used a freebie handheld massager we got from who knows where. Here’s a similar one.

• For ice, I used Lansinoh’s TheraPearl Breast Therapy Packs. They’re basically ice packs for your boobs, but they come in a perfect donut shape.

• The Facebook breastfeeding group I’m in kept mentioning sunflower lecithin to thin the milk and help keep my ducts from clogging. The LC said it was safe for baby and doesn’t reduce any nutrients in the breastmilk, so I started taking the Legendairy Milk® Sunflower Lecithin based on the KellyMom method schedule. I did that until Baby J was around 4 months, and then my breasts were fine. Some people use it through their entire breastfeeding journey, and that’s okay too!

NURSING TOPS & DRESSES

I purchased all of these in my pre-pregnancy size.

• Seraphine Green Maternity & Nursing Dress

• Bhome Long Sleeve Nursing Shirt

• Gap Maternity Nursing Side-Zip Puff Sleeve Sweatshirt

• Bearsland Women's Maternity Long Sleeve

• Isabel Maternity Babydoll Nursing Top

Do you have any products that made your breastfeeding or pumping journey easier? I’d love to hear about them!

Cheers,

K

Baby J's Birth Story

Prior to pregnancy, I’d heard plenty of birth stories from friends and the women in my family who’d all bore children before me. I had also read so many in the birthing book that I perused during my pregnancy. The takeaway that I got was that every single birth is different — some women even have different experiences from one kid to the next. However, they all seemed to agree on one thing – it hurts like hell.

When it came time to give birth to Baby J, it was easier than all of the birth stories that I’d ever read or heard, and therefore better than I had imagined it. Before you continue forward, know that this in no way a brag, it just is what it is. While there were moments of pain, I had a smooth childbirth and am very fortunate to have done so. I understand that not everyone’s experience will be or was this way and reading about a smooth birth could be triggering for those who’ve had traumatic experiences. If you think that's you, please skip this post and come back for another.

Here's Baby J's birth story!

After one of my close friends had a horrible birth story (she and her little one are doing great), I recounted it to my cousin who'd had a baby a few months before that and said that I needed to hear a smoother story or else I may choose to never have kids. After sharing her story, she gave me the best advice — don't make a detailed birth plan, communicate with your doctor, nurse, and partner about what you want, and know what the options are before you go in.

Once I got pregnant, I read just one birthing book — Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. From the beginning, I had no intentions of giving birth without an epidural, but my cousin said this book would detail various pain management options, birthing techniques, and delivery tools and how they affect mama and baby.

I learned so much, including what I would be okay with and what I absolutely did not want. I came up with a long list of questions for my OB and then I came up with a birth plan:

• Give birth to a healthy, living child.

• Go as long as possible without an epidural so that I could move around, but then still have an epidural.

• Avoid pain management options that would make me groggy when I met my baby for the first time and that would negatively affect the baby’s heart rate.

That was my entire plan and it was enough. My OB said that should any issues arise during the birthing process, the doctors wouldn't do anything without my permission so I'd have time to ask questions, assess the situation, and make a decision on how to move forward.

My final bumpdate before heading to the hospital.

Flash forward in my pregnancy — I passed my glucose test. Flash forward again, my baby's belly was at a higher percentile while the rest of her was normal. Apparently, this can indicate a glucose sensitivity even though the mama has passed her glucose test. Who knew? Not I! So I was put on a low (I’m talking 30g-a-day low) carb diet to make sure she didn't get too much bigger. Talk about doing whatever it takes for our kids — no sushi, alcohol, cold deli meats, and now no carbs?! Oi. We also scheduled an induction for 39 weeks in hopes of avoiding shoulder dystocia and having a successful vaginal delivery.

I had only seen one doctor during my entire pregnancy (I like consistency and she was great), but sadly, she wasn’t on rotation to deliver our little nugget. I set up induction with another doctor about whom I’d heard good things. As fate would have it, she was the only doctor I could see for my final ultrasound the day before my induction, so I was able to meet her prior to heading to the hospital!

Induction day rolled around and I was scheduled to be at the hospital by 7:30 p.m. I took one last bumpdate photo and pictures of Baby J’s nursery (more on that later). Mr. Heid and I packed some last-minute items (more on that later, too), showered, brushed our teeth, and headed out for some solid comfort food – I had sweet potato casserole, chicken pot pie, and loaded mashed potato casserole, while he had fried chicken, fried green tomatoes, and loaded mashed potato casserole. It. was. grand. (and don’t worry, my doctor told me that carbs in my pre-hospital meal wouldn’t hurt me or the baby).

That Tuesday evening, I started Cytotec to thin my cervix. I had four total doses. At 9 a.m. the next day, my nurse gave me Pitocin to start my dilation and she patiently answered all of my questions about how it should work and what I should feel. She explained that it typically takes about 30 minutes to hit a mama’s system and that the contractions should gradually increase from there. Not for me, apparently.

The Pitocin hit me and I had full-blown contractions by 9:20 a.m. They were two minutes apart and I thought I was going to die. Mr. Heid tried to assure me that I was fine and to breathe through it. I asked him to get the nurse. My nurse was tending to another patient, so another came in to assist. She also assured me that what I was feeling was natural and that both baby and I were fine (later, my husband recounts this and points out that he said the same thing but that I was mean to him #bless). Another contraction came up and I yelled, “Fuuuuck!” to which she responded, “Yep, that’s what it feels like.” Ha!

She offered me pain medication, but I was in too much pain to respond properly. Thankfully, per my cousin’s advice, I had prepped Mr. Heid on what to ask and he asked all of the right questions. Off she went to get the meds. My nurse came back and offered me the epidural. I was three cm dilated and she didn’t think it was too soon (and I’d read that the epidural does not, in fact, slow down dilation), so I accepted. Over the next 30 minutes (or at least, that’s how long I was told the process would take), my nurse taught me how to sit and breathe for when they put in the epidural and walked me through the IVs she was administering. Mr. Heid tried to make jokes (seriously, #bless).

The anesthesiologists prepped my back for the epidural. I specifically remember them telling me that I needed to stay very still. I asked, “But what if a contraction comes?” One of them responded, “It will, and that’s okay.” Somehow, that made me feel better. The pain of the epidural going in was nothing compared to the contractions, so that was a breeze. Then they laid me back and all was right with the world. I couldn’t feel pain, only pressure, and I was able to relax again. The anesthesiologists came to check on me and told me I was beautiful (you can never have too many compliments while going through the birthing process). Then Mr. Heid and I slept. My sleep was broken up by my nurse checking my cervix and my own mind (as I was concerned the anesthesia would make its way up to my chest and I wouldn’t be able to breathe (eye roll)).

At 11:47 a.m. I felt Baby J kick and my water break. Sometime after 1 p.m., I can’t say for certain when, my nurse came in and stated that I was 10 cm dilated. I said, “Oh, now what?” and she said, “Now, we push!” Mr. Heid woke up immediately after that. I gave him a thumbs up and said, “It’s time to push!” The nurse informed the doctor and her team and set up my bed for delivery. She took one leg and had Mr. Heid take another. She instructed both of us on what to do next… him – hold my knee and push the sole of my foot towards my body as she did the same; me – hold both of my thighs and pull them toward my chest and when she said to push I needed to take a deep breath like I was going underwater and push as if I was taking a bowel movement (not as if I was crunching my abs). We did this twice and the baby crowned. The doctor and her team were brought in and finished setting up. When she was in position, we all did the process again, but it only took one slow push for Baby J to be born! It was easy peasy, and there are no words to express the following:

• my gratitude for how easy it was and how great my healthcare team was

• the amount of relief that she was born healthy and without complication

• the oddity of the sensation of a baby exiting my body

• the amount of love I felt when I heard, saw, met, and held her for the first time

It’s all a whirlwind, now, so I don’t know what happened in what order, but for sure, I heard little Baby J’s cry and I was crying. I cried so much that when they laid her on my chest, it took a minute of blinking away tears before I could see her clearly. She was perfect. I looked at Mr. Heid, who was all smiles, and said, “We did it! Look our beautiful baby girl!”

Cheers,

K

Maternity Leave

Hey friends!

Taking a break to welcome our first little one into the world, to bask in her amazingness, to learn how to be a mama, and to navigate life as a new little family during ‘rona times!

Stay tuned!

xo,

K